My (Re)Birth Story: Nerve Exposure (Part 1) My (Re)Birth Story: Nerve Exposure (Part 1)

24 May , 2018
As I look back on it all, I realize all that happened --all that NEEDED to happen-- to get me to where I am now. I've had time to analyze and review parts, gears, hinges and engines needed to not only help evolve who I currently am, but to help me bring my son into this world. 
You don't create a Double Scorpion male-child and expect for the story of his creation to be filled with butterflies, rainbows and cupcakes. TUH! Oh, but you will be transformed from it, that's for sure. 
When I thought about it a little more, I realized that no other child of any other zodiac sign would have been able to really survive amongst the midst of what was transpiring around his conception...basically a bunch of transitional fuckshit and chaos.

 

Disclaimer: I'm sure some may have expected me to make better choices given who I am, and I'm sure someone is going to have their judgements about me, but I'm fucking human too. I fuck up, get tripped up, have to start over and deal with my vulnerabilities too. I just choose to be open and bold about it nowadays. If everyone else chooses to be silent, I choose the OPPOSITE.
 
They do say that beautiful things are birthed out of chaos..so here's the story of how Orion came to be.  
*in my best deep, radio "Quiet Storm" voice* But first we gotta go baaccccckk...Allllll the way baccckkkk.
 
Almost two years ago, I met the father of my child. (We are going to call him "Sperm Donor" because well..a spade is a spade.) I remember the readings I got, the love rituals I did (not to be confused with the common love spells) and the feelings I got before I was officially introduced to him. I remember my clairvoyant abilities opening back up from their dormant slumber to let me know a child was ready to come through again. Yes, you read that right..again. Orion is a Rainbow Child, meaning there was one who tried to come through prior but didn't make it. That is a story for another post. I not only heard my child, but the children my sister had and would conceive as well. It got SO intense, that there were times I would jump backwards from my bed when my little one would talk in my ear. After releasing some things surrounding my previous miscarriage, things opened up even more. It got to the point where I LITERALLY told my cosmos chirren out loud: "LOOK, I don't know who ya father is. I keep being told somebody is coming and ain't nobody here! So I'm gonna need YOU to chill until you can tell ME who your father is..cause I don't know and I can't be feeling all crazy with yall voices floating around and shit. Until then? Simma down!" I'm paraphrasing, but this is as close to verbatim as I can remember. 
My kids were literally waiting AT THE DOE to be beamed into me. 
 
Welp, when Mama spoke, the cosmic chirren listened! It went radio silent for several weeks. I enjoyed every bit of the peace. I give so many props and kudos to those who have the gift of clairvoyance in a very clear way because honey let me tell you, dis too much for me! And then..the sign came. His father had, out of the blue, hit me up. Apparently, we were googling over each other secretly for a little minute. When he initiated contact, the connection and chemistry was very instant, swift and then BOOM..he disappeared for several weeks. In this time, I did a little..investigating and started looking through his social media. I remember coming across one of his videos. It was a really simple and silly one but his voice and energy hit my body so hard, I didn't know what happened. My womb lit up like a Christmas tree with all the fixings. As most of you know, I'm super in tune with my body, specifically my womb. But with what I felt happening in my womb while looking at that video, I knew something was about to go down. What was translated through my womb was "Bitch, that's HIM! That's your ONE!" Loud and clear, okkurrrrrrr? 
The events that happened after this phenonmenon took off VERY quickly. There are details within these details, but I honestly can't type all of them fast enough, soooo we are about to summarize this bih. These things happened over the course of several months.  
 
Suddenly, we're exhanging natal birth charts and seeing how we're compatible we are according to the planets. Suddenly, we're talking on the phone for HOURS like we've known each other forever already. Suddenly, all the chakras and shit are screaming and hollering from all the sapiosexual conversations. Suddenly, I'm ready to end the 5 month unintentional celibacy bout I had going on at the time and finna turn his ass OUT. Suddenly, he knows shit about me I haven't even told anyone else. Suddenly, I'm being love-bombed. Suddenly, I'm buying train tickets and haul-assing out of Maryland to go see this man because I just know what I desired is HERE and dammit, I ain't got ta suffer no mo! Because I know, man. I JUST KNOW. This wild heart is something else..
*RECORD-SCRATCH* 
In full transparency and retrospect, there were blind spots I didn't fully pay attention to at the beginning. Signs that were there but subtle. Signs that were there but crowded out by "Shit, I got needs and..wait don't yall want me to live more heart-based? Okay then..YOLO!" kinda thoughts. At the same time, there were ALSO signs that heavily prompted me to remain open to this experience and just really indulge in it. MOST of the signs were a go. There were people who wouldn't have initially approved of my actions really liking this dude. Some of my spirit guides were clapping and twerking away. There were even people..RANDOM people!..walking up to us with messages of approval. Don't you hate when messages get conflicted like that? Then you're standing there in the debris looking up at your ancestors like.."Now why yall asses gotta be so damn complicated! You really could've been more direct but noooooooo!" 
Because of all this, there were a few things I had tossed to the wind. I was so tired of always bracing myself for impact, especially after making the big decision to leave my corporate job and really start living for ME. For once I wanted to get away, get a little reprieve and just get there to live out loud without thinking twice. Why? Because I think too much! *turns brain off* Little did I know, I chose the wrong time to not be fully balanced in brain, womb and heartspace. The. Wrong. Time. 
What I didn't pay full attention to was the fact that 1.) He didn't have a set place to live. He was bouncing from house to house on his "white boy nomad" steez while also claiming to be an entrepreneur (something I was ACTIVELY doing and had receipts for) 2.) His relationship with his first child and child's mother was strained, which later translated to..he cut them off. And 3.) His relationship to his mother in particular was the source of the domino effect forever happening in his life..a relationship he literally ran away from the opportunity of healing..hence number 1. For all intents and purposes, I believed his side of the story as that was the only side I had until proven otherwise. At the same time, I got the sense that meeting his first child's mother would be a breeze with no drama. I was right..but for different reasons than what I originally thought..again something that didn't become clear until later. 
At the time, I had started to really practice natural birth control which was pretty successful, but had also been taken advantage of. I won't sit here and blame that part solely on the other party because I was a little wreckless myself. And I enjoyed it! Best uncircumcised sex ever, but you know what they say about broke dudes and great penis, right? Riiiiiight. I still believe somewhere out there, there's great penis attached to a stable dude..I GOT to keep believing! *this is my pussy talking* 
As time went on, I started having some spiritually supernatural experiences with him. Through him, the language of my Native tribe was channeled and there was a conversation between the two of them, with him speaking his other language as well. The conversation literally happened as he was laying on my womb, so I knew it had something to do with our child. 
Things are getting interesting, huh? 
When I came back home from being with him, EVERYTHING in my life got turned upside down. What I didn't realize at the time was that I was instantly attached to HIS karmic consequences of not doing what he was supposed to be doing, which was transferred to me. At the time, I saw it as my life just shifting big time for what was to come (which was also true). A second visit to Atlanta over a month later confirmed the karmic bullshit, which manifested in the form of the first version of what we would go through in California..something you will learn about in the next blog post. 
Ohhhhh California..the place all the bums --AHEM--nomads aspire to escape to. Hmmmm.  
There were so many things preventing him from going to California...which threw both of us off of our paths. But when you want something bad enough and have the drive to push it, you'll do anything to make it happen. It's the dark side of ambition. We both had that in common, honestly. We were in looooooove though. We loved the adventure! Very fortunately, we ended up at a good friend's house which helped us to recoup and reconnect. It was there that Orion's spirit was floating around us and my womb.
 
She was prompted to tell me that she saw stars and constellations in my womb...that my womb was open to conception and I was so fertile that Sperm Donor could literally speak into it and impregnant me. This aligned with the dream I had of 5 orbs of light in my womb, so I knew it was real. However, I was sure I had chosen the right person to bring life into this world with. 
Fun Fact: Before I knew I'd be having a boy and his name would be Orion, the house we stayed at was around the corner from a street called "Orion Drive" HA! 

 

 At this point, Sperm Donor was preparing to leave for California. Ritualistic sex had been had (Note: Do NOT do blood sex magic with someone unless you know for sure you want to be tied to them!!) Prior to this, we had planned on living in Atlanta for a time to get established (and for him to do right by his daughter), with California plans happening way later. We knew this was it for us. He knew my Capricornic personality wanted certain things and such, talks of a house and stability were discussed, with the promise of a planned pregnancy when all that had been solidified. When the opportunity to move to California was presented (which was a test), he jumped at it and left. Test failed. When the opportunity came for me to move to California (due to some ), I jumped at it. Test DOUBLE failed. Suddenly, I was engaged. Then I find myself packing and releasing unwanted things all in the matter of 2 weeks. And quite suddenly, I started heavily craving fish out of nowhere as if I was pregnant already...roughly 2 months before I actually got pregnant. 

 

You want to know what happens when an Aries and a Capricorn try making moves like this? You want to know what happens when the oldest sign in the zodiac and the youngest sign in the zodiac are both stubborn with different ideals but are in loooooooove? Some shit strong enough to explode a sun somewhere. That's what.  
 
 
These events are what set the stage for the Great California Adventure that Orion was conceived into. For the purpose of keeping your attention, this story will be continued next week. I've worked up an appetite writing all this. 
 
 
Til next time..*smooches*  
As I look back on it all, I realize all that happened --all that NEEDED to happen-- to get me to where I am now. I've had time to analyze and review parts, gears, hinges and engines needed to not only help evolve who I currently am, but to help me bring my son into this world. 
You don't create a Double Scorpion male-child and expect for the story of his creation to be filled with butterflies, rainbows and cupcakes. TUH! Oh, but you will be transformed from it, that's for sure. 
When I thought about it a little more, I realized that no other child of any other zodiac sign would have been able to really survive amongst the midst of what was transpiring around his conception...basically a bunch of transitional fuckshit and chaos.

 

Disclaimer: I'm sure some may have expected me to make better choices given who I am, and I'm sure someone is going to have their judgements about me, but I'm fucking human too. I fuck up, get tripped up, have to start over and deal with my vulnerabilities too. I just choose to be open and bold about it nowadays. If everyone else chooses to be silent, I choose the OPPOSITE.
 
They do say that beautiful things are birthed out of chaos..so here's the story of how Orion came to be.  
*in my best deep, radio "Quiet Storm" voice* But first we gotta go baaccccckk...Allllll the way baccckkkk.
 
Almost two years ago, I met the father of my child. (We are going to call him "Sperm Donor" because well..a spade is a spade.) I remember the readings I got, the love rituals I did (not to be confused with the common love spells) and the feelings I got before I was officially introduced to him. I remember my clairvoyant abilities opening back up from their dormant slumber to let me know a child was ready to come through again. Yes, you read that right..again. Orion is a Rainbow Child, meaning there was one who tried to come through prior but didn't make it. That is a story for another post. I not only heard my child, but the children my sister had and would conceive as well. It got SO intense, that there were times I would jump backwards from my bed when my little one would talk in my ear. After releasing some things surrounding my previous miscarriage, things opened up even more. It got to the point where I LITERALLY told my cosmos chirren out loud: "LOOK, I don't know who ya father is. I keep being told somebody is coming and ain't nobody here! So I'm gonna need YOU to chill until you can tell ME who your father is..cause I don't know and I can't be feeling all crazy with yall voices floating around and shit. Until then? Simma down!" I'm paraphrasing, but this is as close to verbatim as I can remember. 
My kids were literally waiting AT THE DOE to be beamed into me. 
 
Welp, when Mama spoke, the cosmic chirren listened! It went radio silent for several weeks. I enjoyed every bit of the peace. I give so many props and kudos to those who have the gift of clairvoyance in a very clear way because honey let me tell you, dis too much for me! And then..the sign came. His father had, out of the blue, hit me up. Apparently, we were googling over each other secretly for a little minute. When he initiated contact, the connection and chemistry was very instant, swift and then BOOM..he disappeared for several weeks. In this time, I did a little..investigating and started looking through his social media. I remember coming across one of his videos. It was a really simple and silly one but his voice and energy hit my body so hard, I didn't know what happened. My womb lit up like a Christmas tree with all the fixings. As most of you know, I'm super in tune with my body, specifically my womb. But with what I felt happening in my womb while looking at that video, I knew something was about to go down. What was translated through my womb was "Bitch, that's HIM! That's your ONE!" Loud and clear, okkurrrrrrr? 
The events that happened after this phenonmenon took off VERY quickly. There are details within these details, but I honestly can't type all of them fast enough, soooo we are about to summarize this bih. These things happened over the course of several months.  
 
Suddenly, we're exhanging natal birth charts and seeing how we're compatible we are according to the planets. Suddenly, we're talking on the phone for HOURS like we've known each other forever already. Suddenly, all the chakras and shit are screaming and hollering from all the sapiosexual conversations. Suddenly, I'm ready to end the 5 month unintentional celibacy bout I had going on at the time and finna turn his ass OUT. Suddenly, he knows shit about me I haven't even told anyone else. Suddenly, I'm being love-bombed. Suddenly, I'm buying train tickets and haul-assing out of Maryland to go see this man because I just know what I desired is HERE and dammit, I ain't got ta suffer no mo! Because I know, man. I JUST KNOW. This wild heart is something else..
*RECORD-SCRATCH* 
In full transparency and retrospect, there were blind spots I didn't fully pay attention to at the beginning. Signs that were there but subtle. Signs that were there but crowded out by "Shit, I got needs and..wait don't yall want me to live more heart-based? Okay then..YOLO!" kinda thoughts. At the same time, there were ALSO signs that heavily prompted me to remain open to this experience and just really indulge in it. MOST of the signs were a go. There were people who wouldn't have initially approved of my actions really liking this dude. Some of my spirit guides were clapping and twerking away. There were even people..RANDOM people!..walking up to us with messages of approval. Don't you hate when messages get conflicted like that? Then you're standing there in the debris looking up at your ancestors like.."Now why yall asses gotta be so damn complicated! You really could've been more direct but noooooooo!" 
Because of all this, there were a few things I had tossed to the wind. I was so tired of always bracing myself for impact, especially after making the big decision to leave my corporate job and really start living for ME. For once I wanted to get away, get a little reprieve and just get there to live out loud without thinking twice. Why? Because I think too much! *turns brain off* Little did I know, I chose the wrong time to not be fully balanced in brain, womb and heartspace. The. Wrong. Time. 
What I didn't pay full attention to was the fact that 1.) He didn't have a set place to live. He was bouncing from house to house on his "white boy nomad" steez while also claiming to be an entrepreneur (something I was ACTIVELY doing and had receipts for) 2.) His relationship with his first child and child's mother was strained, which later translated to..he cut them off. And 3.) His relationship to his mother in particular was the source of the domino effect forever happening in his life..a relationship he literally ran away from the opportunity of healing..hence number 1. For all intents and purposes, I believed his side of the story as that was the only side I had until proven otherwise. At the same time, I got the sense that meeting his first child's mother would be a breeze with no drama. I was right..but for different reasons than what I originally thought..again something that didn't become clear until later. 
At the time, I had started to really practice natural birth control which was pretty successful, but had also been taken advantage of. I won't sit here and blame that part solely on the other party because I was a little wreckless myself. And I enjoyed it! Best uncircumcised sex ever, but you know what they say about broke dudes and great penis, right? Riiiiiight. I still believe somewhere out there, there's great penis attached to a stable dude..I GOT to keep believing! *this is my pussy talking* 
As time went on, I started having some spiritually supernatural experiences with him. Through him, the language of my Native tribe was channeled and there was a conversation between the two of them, with him speaking his other language as well. The conversation literally happened as he was laying on my womb, so I knew it had something to do with our child. 
Things are getting interesting, huh? 
When I came back home from being with him, EVERYTHING in my life got turned upside down. What I didn't realize at the time was that I was instantly attached to HIS karmic consequences of not doing what he was supposed to be doing, which was transferred to me. At the time, I saw it as my life just shifting big time for what was to come (which was also true). A second visit to Atlanta over a month later confirmed the karmic bullshit, which manifested in the form of the first version of what we would go through in California..something you will learn about in the next blog post. 
Ohhhhh California..the place all the bums --AHEM--nomads aspire to escape to. Hmmmm.  
There were so many things preventing him from going to California...which threw both of us off of our paths. But when you want something bad enough and have the drive to push it, you'll do anything to make it happen. It's the dark side of ambition. We both had that in common, honestly. We were in looooooove though. We loved the adventure! Very fortunately, we ended up at a good friend's house which helped us to recoup and reconnect. It was there that Orion's spirit was floating around us and my womb.
 
She was prompted to tell me that she saw stars and constellations in my womb...that my womb was open to conception and I was so fertile that Sperm Donor could literally speak into it and impregnant me. This aligned with the dream I had of 5 orbs of light in my womb, so I knew it was real. However, I was sure I had chosen the right person to bring life into this world with. 
Fun Fact: Before I knew I'd be having a boy and his name would be Orion, the house we stayed at was around the corner from a street called "Orion Drive" HA! 

 

 At this point, Sperm Donor was preparing to leave for California. Ritualistic sex had been had (Note: Do NOT do blood sex magic with someone unless you know for sure you want to be tied to them!!) Prior to this, we had planned on living in Atlanta for a time to get established (and for him to do right by his daughter), with California plans happening way later. We knew this was it for us. He knew my Capricornic personality wanted certain things and such, talks of a house and stability were discussed, with the promise of a planned pregnancy when all that had been solidified. When the opportunity to move to California was presented (which was a test), he jumped at it and left. Test failed. When the opportunity came for me to move to California (due to some ), I jumped at it. Test DOUBLE failed. Suddenly, I was engaged. Then I find myself packing and releasing unwanted things all in the matter of 2 weeks. And quite suddenly, I started heavily craving fish out of nowhere as if I was pregnant already...roughly 2 months before I actually got pregnant. 

 

You want to know what happens when an Aries and a Capricorn try making moves like this? You want to know what happens when the oldest sign in the zodiac and the youngest sign in the zodiac are both stubborn with different ideals but are in loooooooove? Some shit strong enough to explode a sun somewhere. That's what.  
 
 
These events are what set the stage for the Great California Adventure that Orion was conceived into. For the purpose of keeping your attention, this story will be continued next week. I've worked up an appetite writing all this. 
 
 
Til next time..*smooches*  

Leave a Reply

  • Posted On June 19, 2018 by Faatiah J

    I needs moreeee!!!!! I have so many questions, some relatable experiences and more questions! Lol. Love, love loving the blog by the way. The BOMB!

    P.S. Write a book!

  • Posted On May 27, 2018 by Rena

    Love and light to your journey.

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